If you have ever been in a relationship with an avoidant person, you know how frustrating and exhausting it can be. You feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, trying to get their attention and affection, while they seem to pull away and distance themselves from you. You may wonder what you are doing wrong, or what you can do to make them love you more.
But what if you decided to stop chasing them? What if you stopped putting all your energy and effort into a relationship that did not meet your needs? What if you focused on yourself instead, and let them come to you on their own terms?
Here Are Some Possible Outcomes Of What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant:
1. They may realize what they are missing and come back to you
You want them to notice you, but they don’t seem to care. So you do the opposite of what they expect: you walk away. You show them that you have a life of your own and that you don’t need their validation.
This might shake them up a bit. They might realize that they could lose you and that you are more valuable than they thought. They might reach out to you more, express more love and devotion, and even promise you the world. But don’t get your hopes up too high.
Avoidants tend to have a push-pull dynamic in relationships, where they alternate between seeking closeness and avoiding intimacy. They may come back to you when they feel lonely or insecure, but then retreat again when they feel overwhelmed or suffocated. Unless they are willing to work on their attachment issues and communicate their needs and feelings, the cycle may repeat itself over and over again.
2. They may not notice or care that you stopped chasing them
Another possibility is that the avoidant person does not react at all to your change of behavior. They may not even notice that you stopped chasing them, or they may not care. They may be too busy with their own hobbies, interests, or goals, or they may be pursuing other people who catch their eye. They may think that you are fine with the status quo, or that you are playing hard to get. They may not see any reason to change their behavior or to invest more in the relationship. They may be content with having a casual, superficial, or distant connection with you, and not want anything more.
Then you might have to face the truth that they’re not the one for you and that you deserve someone who can match your effort and give you the love and respect you need.
3. They may get angry or defensive and accuse you of being cold or selfish
Imagine this: you decide to stop running after someone who doesn’t appreciate you. You think they will finally see your worth and come back to you. But instead, they go berserk. They throw a tantrum and attack you with words. They call you names and blame you for everything.
They try to play with your mind and your heart. They flirt with others in front of you and try to make you feel small. They mess with your life and your goals. They do this because they are scared of losing you, or because they enjoy having you as their puppet. They don’t know how to deal with your freedom, or how to share their feelings in a mature way.
In this situation, you need to be firm and assertive. You need to tell them that you are not their toy and that they have to respect you and your decisions. You need to make them understand that you are not in charge of their happiness and that they have to take care of themselves. You need to end the relationship if they keep hurting you or crossing your lines.
4. They may feel relieved and enjoy their space
Relationships can be a drag for avoidants. They’d rather have some breathing room than your constant love and care. So don’t be surprised if they use this opportunity to do their own thing, whether it’s knitting, gaming, or hanging out with their pals.
5. They may forget about you and move on
Avoidants may not have a strong attachment to you, and they may not value your relationship. They may have other priorities or distractions in their lives, and they may not think about you much. They may not care if you are happy or hurt, and they may not contact you again. They may find someone else who suits their needs better or who is easier to deal with.
6. You regain your self-esteem and confidence
When you chase an avoidant, you feel like a beggar in love. You crave their attention, but they only give you crumbs. You question your worth, your beauty, and your sanity. You forget who you are, what you want, and what you love, as you focus on pleasing and winning them over.
See Also:Â Signs Of A Toxic Teenager
But when you stop chasing an avoidant, you become a master of your destiny. You stop seeking validation from their actions and words. You embrace yourself for who you are and celebrate your gifts and talents. You regain your freedom and power and follow your bliss.
7. You create healthy boundaries and expectations
You’re running after a mirage, hoping it will quench your thirst. But the more you chase an avoidant, the more you lose yourself. You put up with their mixed signals, their coldness, and their rudeness. You think they’ll change, or love you back if only you try harder. You turn a blind eye to the red flags and alarms that scream: this is not working.
The moment you stop chasing an avoidant, you stop selling yourself short. You start to value yourself and your partner, and you speak your mind with confidence. You also learn to respect and understand your partner’s needs and limits.
8. You grow as a personÂ
You are stuck in a rut when you chase an avoidant. You keep doing the same things and expecting different results. You don’t learn from your mistakes; you just repeat them. You point fingers at yourself or your partner, but you don’t own up to your actions.
When you stop chasing an avoidant, you stop being the helpless or the heroic one in your relationship. You take control of your destiny and your decisions, and you make things better for yourself and others. You look at your relationship and your attachment style, and you find out what needs to change and grow. You become the best version of yourself.
9. You improve your emotional well-being and mental health
Chasing an avoidant can make you feel anxious, depressed, and stressed. You may experience mood swings, insomnia, and physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, and fatigue. You may also develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as overeating, drinking, or isolating yourself.
When you stop, you stop hurting yourself. You start to heal from the emotional wounds and trauma that may have caused or contributed to your attachment issues. You also seek professional help, if needed, and practice self-care and mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, yoga, and journaling.
10. You open yourself up to new opportunities and experiences
Chasing an avoidant can rob you of the joys and wonders of life. You might neglect your friends, family, and hobbies, and miss out on social and professional opportunities. You might also shut yourself off from other potential partners who could be more compatible and supportive of you.
But when you stop chasing an avoidant, you stop spending your time and energy on a relationship that does not satisfy or fulfill you. You begin to explore new interests and activities and broaden your horizons and perspectives. You also meet new people, make new connections, and find new possibilities and potentials for love and happiness.
The outcome of stopping the pursuit of an avoidant varies depending on the person, the relationship, and the situation. But one thing is clear: when you stop chasing an avoidant, you start chasing yourself. You begin to appreciate yourself more and put your own happiness and well-being first. You discover that your relationship does not define you and that you have a lot to offer and enjoy in life. You draw people who are more suitable and supportive of you, and who can love you the way you want to be loved.
So, if you are fed up with chasing an avoidant, why not give it a shot? You might be amazed by what happens next.
