Minions

Minions is a rated second-highest-grossing animated film of all time. In the cartoon series, the Minions are said to live solely for the most dangerous Villain whom they can serve as their master.

They evolved from single-celled yellow organisms at the dawn of time – long before human existence.  Without a master to grovel over, they get deeply depressed and can even perish.  In other words, Minions are lazy, sarcastic and make fun of everything, including diets, weight loss. The only time they get serious is when they’re searching for a new villain master – it’s hard for these little yellow guys to remain serious for a minute or retain an evil master for long.

The Minions are hilarious, delirious and that makes them super dangerous than their greatest Super Villain master.

Minions Funny Quotes About Diet, Weight Loss

1. I’m In Shape, Unfortunately, That Shape Is Potatoe.

2.  I Have Been On A Diet For Two Weeks And All I’ve Lost Is 14 Days!

3. I Think You’re Suffering From Lack Of Vitamin Me.

Minions

4. I Wish I Could Lose Weight As Easy As I Lose My Keys Pen, Cell Phones, My Temper And Even My Mind.

5. My Diet Plan: Make All My Friends CupCakes. The Fatter They Get, The Thinner I Look!

6. The Only Exercise Some People Get Is Running Their Mouth, Jumping To Conclusions and Pushing Their Luck.

7. I Really Think Tossing And Turning At Night Should Be Considered As Exercise.

8. Calories: Are The Little Bastards That Gets Together At Night In Your Closet And Sew Your Clothes Tighter. My Closet Is Infected With The Little Shits.

9. I’m Not Fat. I’m Just So Freaking Sexy, It Over Flows.

10. The Only Reason I’m Fat Is Because A Tiny Body Couldn’t Store All This Personality.

11. I Hate How Chocolate Immediately Melt On My Fingers. I Mean, Am I That Hot?

12. Dear Stomach, You’re Bored Not Hungry. So Shut Up.

13. Don’t Be Afraid Of Few Extra Pounds. Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap.

14. Me: OMG I Get It
        Friend: You Get What?
        Me: You Know, When Things Heat, They Expand
        Friend: And?
        Me: I’m Not Fat, I’m Hot

15. Apparently, You Have To Eat Healthy More Than Once To Get In Shape. This is cruel and Unfair.

16. Exercise? I Thought You Said “Extra Fries”

17. I’m Not Fat. God Gave Me Airbags Cause I’m Precious.

18. I Did A Push-Up Today. Well, Actually I Feel Down. But I Had To Use My Hand To Get Back Up So…Close Enough. Now I Need Chocolate.

19. Patient: The Problem Is That Obesity Runs In Our Family.
Doctor:  No, The Problem Is That No One Runs In Your Family.

20. I Would Lose Some Weight But I Hate Losing.

21. Diet Rule 1: If No One Sees You Eating It, It Doesn’t Contain Any Calories.

22. I’m Not Hungry. I’m Bored. Therefore I Shall Eat.

23. Vegetarians!!! Stop Eating My Food’s Food.

24. I Try To Avoid I Avoid Things That Makes Me Fat…Like Scales, Mirrors And Photographs.

25. Dear Diet, Things Aren’t Going To Work Out Between Us. It’s Not Me,  It’s You. You are Tasteless, Boring And I Can’t Stop Cheating On You.

26. I’m On A SeaFood Diet, I See Food, And I Eat It.

27. Every time I Lose Some Weight I Find It Again In  The Refrigerator.

28. Diet DaY 1 – I Have Removed All The Food From The House. It Was Delicious.

Minions

29. Losing Weight Doesn’t Seem To Be Working, So I’m Going To Concentrate On Getting Tall.

30. I Love My Six-Pack So Much, I Protect It With A Layer Of Fat.

31. I Need To Start Eating More Healthy, But First I Need To Eat All The Junk Food In The House So It’s Not There To Tempt Me Anymore.

32. Chocolate Comes From Cocoa, Which Is A Tree. That Makes It A Plant. Chocolate Is Salad.

33. No Matter How Much I Eat At Least My Shoes Still Fit

34. Exercise…Ex…Er…Cise…Ex..Ar…Size…Eggs…Are…Sides…For…Bacon.

35. I Eat Cake Because It’s Somebody’s Birthday Somewhere.

36. I Could Give Up Chocolate But I’m Not A Quitter.

37. A Balanced Diet Is Chocolate In Both Hands.

38. I Wish Going To The Gym Was As Easy As Going To The Fridge.

39. I’m In Shape. Round Is A Weight.

40. I’m Not Fat. I’m Just Easier To See.

41. I Only Eat In Three Places: Here, There And Everywhere.

Don’t Miss: Nigerian Jokes The Rest Of The World May Not Understand

Minions Funny Quotes About Laziness

1.  HOMEWORK: Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge

2. Waking up by 7 am should be illegal

3. In Bed, It 6 am. You close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s already 7:45.  At Work, It’s 1:30 pm. You close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s still 1:31.

4. I Think Sundays Should Be 48 hours Instead Of The Usual 24 hours So We Have More Time To Prepare For Monday.

5. Shortest Horror Story: Monday. If Monday Have A Face, I Would Punch It.

6. Keep Calm And Pretend It’s Not Monday

7. I Feel Like I Should Clean The House, So I’m Going To Lay Down And Nap Until That Feeling Passes.

8.  I Think My iPhone Is Broken, I Pressed The Home Button And I’m Still At Work.

9.  Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams. Keep Sleeping

10. I Need A Six Months Vacation Twice A Year. Anyone Else With Me On This

11. That Dumb Moment When You Walk Into A Room And You Don’t Remember Why…

12. My Bed Is A Magical Place Where I Suddenly remember Everything I Was Suppose To Do.

13. Revenge? Nah I’m Too Lazy. I’m Just Gona Sit Here And Let Karma Screw You.

14. I’m Not Lazy. I’m Just Highly Motivated Not To Do Anything.

15. I Get Tired From Just Thinking About Everything I Have To Do.

16. I’m Not Lazy. I’m Just On My Energy Saving Mode.

17. School For 12 Years, College For 4 Years, Then You Work Until You Die.

18. Hardest Job Ever: Working In A Bubble Wrap Factory. Imaging The Self Control Needed.

19. I’m So Good At Sleeping. I Can Do It With My Eyes Closed.

20. Yesterday I Did Nothing And Today I’m Finishing What I Did Yesterday.

21. Work? Really? Again? Didn’t I Just Do That Yesterday?

22. I’m Not Sure If My Body Can Handle Any More Of This “Getting Out Of Bed” Nonsense.

23. My Boss Told Me To Have A Good Day… So I Went Home.

Minions
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24. Don’t Grow Up, It’s A Trap.

25. I Had  A Super Busy Day Today Trying Converting Oxygen To Carbon dioxide.

26. My Room Is Not Messy, It’s An Obstacle Course To Keep Me Fit.

27. Lazy Rules 1: If It Falls Under The Bed, It Is Lost Forever.

28. Lazy Rule 2: Can’t Reach It… Don’t Need It.

29. Lazy Rule 3: The Further Away The Remote Is, The More You Like What’s Already On TV

30. When Cleaning The Room: 1% Cleaning, 30%Complaining, 69% Playing With The Stuff I Just Found

31. If There’s An Award For Laziness, I’d Probably Send Someone To Pick It Up For Me.

32. When Life Knock Me Down, Instead Of Getting Back Up, I Usually Lay There And Take A Nap

33. Laziness Is The Mother Of All Bad Habits. But Ultimately She’s Mother And We Should Respect Her.

34. Today I Feel Like Putting An “Out Of Order” Stick On My Head And Going Back To Back.

If you see the Minions smiling it’s because they’re thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see them laughing it’s because they’ve already done it. Now you see why the Minions can ruin your life with their sarcastic and funny quotes about diet, weight loss and laziness.

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